I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
