arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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