just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
