if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
