She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
