I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
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