I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
