i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
