I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
