Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize