I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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