Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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