we have officially lost it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
