If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Randomize
