My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
