cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
