I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
