Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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