I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
