if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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