At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
