How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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