I've blown a few things in my day
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
