dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
