I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
