Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
