see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
