If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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