she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
