That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
