My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
