"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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