Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
