Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
