I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
