Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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