Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
