so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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