i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
