Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
