At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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