Pappa wants mamma naked
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
