it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
