this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
