Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
