I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
