please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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