im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
