things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
