OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
