then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
