Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
