At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
