Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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