Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
