Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
