i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
