conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
