A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
